There are a lot of sites that catalog musicians for the sake of them finding each other, like BandMix, BandFinder, and so on. The only way you will really find people in abundance is to go meet them at live performances of local bands. When you meet 1 person and click, he'll introduce you to 3 others and so on.
I hear ya, and I'm aware. I'm just bitching because I feel like online dating took a lot of the problems out of finding companionship by making it way easier to find decent people with similar interests; in my mind, finding other musicians who are on the same page should be just as simple. Unfortunately, though, I often forget that most of us are operating somewhat below the minimum national educational standard for literacy, so you're right--in person is ultimately the best way to go in seeking out bandmates. It's still a pet peeve of mine, though :-)
I have nearly zero chance of getting what I want. Christian Death Metal or Video Game Metal :(
Yeah, wow, I can see how it'd be a serious challenge for you. Best of luck, sir.
In my experience I've learned not to share where you work or where you live till you know they are decent folk. I made the mistake of meeting 2 musicians... if you can call them that, at a former job. Both guys had severe mental disabilities including Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar, Asperger's, and personality disorder. They were not up to snuff for me and they had a completely unrealistic idea of what the band would be. Before I even stepped out of my car the first time I went over to jam, the guitarist walked up and stood in the way of the door. He staired at me with an emotionless face and in a monotone voice said "We have a gig tomorrow night. You can make it right?". This mind you is before I even played a single note for them. The jam session was chaos. They changed things mid song, they couldn't explain what they were planning, and it was very tough to deal with. I'm well versed in mental disabilities as an advocate with Partner's in Policy Making and I was engaged to a PhD Professor of Counseling. It's not like I didn't know what was happening here but I felt it would be too stressful for me to pursue. I eventually asked them what they had and had them spill the beans about what they had been diagnosed with and they confirmed my non-professional diagnosis.
I broke it off with them.... I thought. I told them they were just going in a different direction musically than I was and that I really didn't have time to work gigs while also doing school finals and full time work. The day after, they both came to my work twice a day, every day. They behaved WAY worse than before. They would ask me to talk with them outside. I'd tell my manager I was going on break and go outside and look around to find no one on property. Looking out I would see them walking down the block.
In short, make sure you know the mentality of the people you share your personal details with, but get out there and meet people if you want to find musicians to play with.
That's some solid advice, and a hell of a story. I've had a few similar encounters that have taught me to be really careful with who gets to know what until I'm really confident that they're not going to be dangerous. My typical first move with any ad respondent is a phone screening, followed by a meeting somewhere public such as a bar or coffee shop.
If they can pass those sniff tests, only then are they invited to actually come and audition. If they make my spider-senses tingle in any way, I send them an email the following day letting them off the hook gently. On occasion that has turned into a series of recurring "WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK ME?" emails, but fortunately, Craigslist relay addresses eventually expire...
