Jokes

Haha, it's funny for me because the only people I know who can read music go to college, and they're not even guitarists XD

I think that's the norm these days, but my kind of guitarists tend to stick together. My serious band was a clean divide. Me and the singer could read well, the bassist could read a little when we started and got it down as we went just because he's that kind of guy, the drummer and the rhythm guy we added at the end could not read. It could be frustrating because the singer could sight read better than me, but the bassist who could barely read and the drummer who couldn't read a note had a much better grip on theory and just better ears all around. There was always a lot of futzing around trying to explain shit in different ways to everybody. And then there was that 'rhythm' guy, aww jeeze. He's the reason you don't pick band members based solely on their affability. Sometimes I just wanted someone to club me over the head with a les paul and dump me in the river to die already!

What do you call a guitarist with fat, stumpy fingers?

WORTHLESS

oh! what do you call a crappy guitar player with a ton of custom shop guitars?

DOCTOR!

What's the difference between a rhythm guitarist and a horse? The horse can follow simple instructions.

How do you know the difference between your average guitarist and a dying cat. Eventually the cat dies and stops making screeching noises.

Bazinga! Thank, you and have a good night. Don't forget to tip your bartender, folks.

one more, one more.... what do you call a guitarist who has more guitars than he needs?

the deceased

I was wrong, thought of another one. What do you call a metal guitarist who sells his high gain amps to fund a vintage Marshall?

CURED

How did the guitar teacher know he had nothing left to teach his best student?

The student told him his girlfriend left him.

Those are all pretty good. The reading joke wasn't meant to be a real jab or anything. I went to school in a competitive guitar program where high level reading was expected out of all the guitar students but that joke is repeated a lot there. Sometimes I use it as motivation for my students.

I didn't take it as a jab. Just saying, know mostly guitarists who read and also play another, more orchestral instrument (or two). So I never got that joke...

"My mom told me, and Mark I think you the same thing, I'm not a loser. So the whole Seattle loser thing I never really got because clearly I'm not a loser."

-Steve Turner

I had a very long car journey yesterday, which provided perfect conditions for a fresh batch.

Q, Why do insane clown posse like the digitech whammy?

A, They can smack their pitch up

Q, EVH's mum: Edward I don't like the sounds your making with your guitar, they're so intimidating

A, EVH: Don't worry mum, it's just a phase

Q, Bono: Your're late for rehersal mate

A, The Edge: I got caught up in a jam, with lots of delays

Q, Why do post rock bands love grammar?

A, They just can't get enough verb

Q, What does Keef do in his spare time?

A, Watch the tele

I laughed hard at the U2 joke.

What's the difference between a rock star and a jazzman? - Rocker plays 3 chords in front of a 3000 people, and jazzman plays 3000 chords in front of 3 people.

I've hired Keith Richards to assassinate David Crosby and Roger McGuinn. I'm hoping to kill two Byrds with one Stone.

Eric Clapton has denied killing Omar Sharif.

That first one I've heard before

The second one was amazing. Just genius

Didn't get the third one (Maybe it's an age thing)

Didn't get the third one (Maybe it's an age thing)

its a language barrier thing, AbsentWalrus is from Croatia so he's not getting that sherrif and sharif aren't pronounced the same... also, you maybe are too young to have seen dr zhivago or Lawrence of arabia

Didn't get the third one (Maybe it's an age thing)

its a language barrier thing, AbsentWalrus is from Croatia so he's not getting that sherrif and sharif aren't pronounced the same... also, you maybe are too young to have seen dr zhivago or Lawrence of arabia

It was just a pun, mate! As far as i have seen many people made pun jokes up, but they didn't watch spelling or pronounciation...

I didn't mean to be offensive, sorry

I didn't mean to be offensive, sorry Oh, no! I didn't mean to be offensive too. If I was, sorry! I mean, I'm terrible at English. I just know some things that are necessary for discussion.

I did nazi you being offensive? - get it?

oh man